An Afternoon Conversation

Sarah looked at me. "You can't do that, you know?"

I could catch a glimpse of worry in her eyes. Of course she knew that I had all the strength and reason to do it. She tried to stop me even though she knew that I was stubborn. If I wanted to do something, I would certainly do it.

"She doesn't know, does she?" I said. "She looks fine. What if I told her now? What if I gave her proofs? Would she believe me? Or would she say that I'm a liar?"

"Don't," she desperately said.

"I really want to see what he would do if I did that."

Sarah sighed and looked away. She almost gave up on me. My best friend was going to give up on me too.

"If I would, I could. You know that," I said.

She looked at me again. "But you wouldn't."

I sighed. "I won't. They'll get married in the next few years but he will still be in love with me. I think that kind of punishment should be enough. He'll carry the regrets all his life."

"And what about you? Will you carry it all your life too?"

I stared at my tea cup for a little while. "I don't know. I don't believe in the future anymore. Whatever life will get me, I'll face it. I should face it, shouldn't I?"

She smiled. "You're strong, my dear. And you'll surely find someone new, someone better."

I chuckled. "Oh Sarah darling. You do know that I don't believe in that fairy tale anymore. Two people gave up on me in a span of three months and that's the worst thing I could ask for. I dare not to dream anymore."

Sarah didn't try to argue back.

"I love him, Sarah. If I should cry and beg and plead, I would totally do that. But that wouldn't change a thing. I couldn't change a thing if he himself wouldn't do anything. I couldn't change him."

She gave me that look again. "If you want to cry, just cry. Don't hold back the tears. It helps a lot. It takes away a little bit of the pain."

I smiled. "I will."