lyrics from the hill (1)

Be still, my heart,
for things aren't really like
the way you think
they are.

Be still, my heart,

for insecurities are

eating up your heart

and thought.

Be still, my heart,

for everything will be,

oh yes they all will

be okay.

fairy tales (1)

Perhaps for you life is just about wandering around
hopping from one cafe to another
looking for a nice cup of coffee
or cheesy tasty meal
but really all you want to have is the solitude.
You love the sound of the rain
the smell of the wet grass
and for you being alone is not always lonely.
Like being needy is not always greedy.
You just love what you want to love
and hate what you want to hate.
You judge people based on the state of their shoes
not their facial expressions.
You believe that all supervillains deserve their happy endings
and that Cinderella should stop being such a whiny bitch.

But sometimes you forget that life isn't all about you.
One day, perhaps, you will be the one who is serving the coffee
or the cheesy tasty meal.
Solitude betrays you and you have to deal with these people.
The drought will come
and the grass is all dying.
And for once in your life, you are lonelier than being alone.
You're needy because you're greedy.
What if nobody loves you
and everyone hates you?
What if people stop wearing shoes
and you have to finally look at their faces?
Happy endings are bullshit
and you are Cinderella, whining and bitching.

i owe you a fall #2

Do you not sometimes wish we don't have to care about how the universe works?

Perhaps it would be less confusing, less complicated, if we didn't think too much.

Perhaps it would be so much easier for both of us.

Perhaps it would be better.

a four-page-long love letter

The distant view of the sun setting in the west outside my bedroom window always succesfully makes me think of you.
Seasons have changed; the darkness falls.
Nothing stays, but this feeling remains.
Last night, just like any other night, I stared at the four walls
And think of the unfinished plate of fried rice;
the cold tea
and how much I like your voice.
----------------------------

"And she looked deep into you as you lay together, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer."

sesaat di selat sunda

Angin yang berhembus kencang beku di hadapanmu
Sorot matamu beradu dengan matahari, yang kemudian mengaku kalah dan pergi
menghilang dari kaki langit
Suatu hari nanti, barangkali
Kita menuju satu tujuan
Hati kita menuruti satu haluan
Tapi kali ini saja
Biarlah kita menuju tempat yang berbeda
Biarlah hati kita tertaut pada hal yang berbeda

Sebab suatu hari nanti, barangkali

i'm good to go

She adjusted her seat and looked out the window. It was sunny. She sighed and looked away from the pretty view. Oh how she wanted to jump off the plane before it was too late; before it set off and left this place. She wanted to go back to the terminal and stopped him from walking away.

She wanted to hold his hands and said what she had wanted to say since a long, long time ago.

She remembered what he said back at the terminal when she said good bye.

"So... You really have to go."

It wasn't a question. And she nodded. "Yes." And we may never have another chance to see each other like this, ever again.

Once again, she said good bye and he let her go. To her disappointment. She was hoping he would stop her. She was hoping she would take her hands and begged, pleaded, for her to stay. At least for one more day.

But he just stood there and waved his hands. She had to force herself to drag her feet along with the pink suitcase.

And here she was now. Eight hours away from home. Eight hours and she would be able to let the tears out. Eight hours and she would be able to cry herself to sleep.

All the journey, all she could think of was how funny the universe worked. They met, they laughed, they felt comfortable in each other's side, yet they found it awkward enough to express their feelings for each other. She knew for sure, that he felt exactly the same way as she did. But there was no way back.

Eight hours and she opened her front door. She was kind of angry at her house which looked exactly like when she left it two weeks ago. My world has turned upside down and my house is still the same! 

She turned on the computer and started writing an IM.

I'm home! It's chilly here. The autumn has already started, apparently. I should've stayed for one more day there. I could use another day under the tropical sun.

Less than one minute and she got a reply.

Oh shame on me! I was just gonna ask you to stay for one more day here, but I thought you had had enough sun.

At that moment, at that very moment, she almost called a cab and went back to the airport and boarded the first plane to his place.

But she did not. She could not. She would not. Enough is enough.
------------------------------------------

"I've got my things, I'm good to go. You met me at the terminal. Just one more plane ride and it's done."

empty apartment

He couldn't remember how long he had been lying on the floor in the middle of what used to be a living room in that apartment. It was no longer a living room cause... you know, a living room is where all the 'life' occurs, and there was no life in that apartment anymore. It was empty. It was quite. It was abandoned.

He couldn't remember the last time he had a meal. All he knew was that his stomach was empty and he was also thirsty. But he had nothing. He had nothing at all. He knew all he could do was lying on the floor like that. Forever.

But, no. He needed to look around; checked if there was something she left behind before she packed up her books, letters, and things, and walked out the door.

Nothing.

He stared at the door. He recalled her face when she walked away without a word. He recalled everything he wanted to say but left unsaid. She went away and now he was staring at the door. The door that could not be opened because when she left, she took away the key with her. And the spare key... well, he had lost it years ago.

He knew he could not get out of that empty apartment. Ever.

So he decided to lie back on the floor in the middle of the room once called a living room. Alone. Lonely. And miserable.

For what he felt like years, he was just staring at the ceiling. Boys don't cry, he knew that.

Whilst he was busy counting each second, someone knocked on the window. What the hell? He was confused. It was the fifth floor of the building.

He stood up and walked to the window and he opened the blind.

A girl. Smiling.

Hi! I'm here to get you outta there.

How?

Come on and take my hand.

At first, he hesitated.

Come on. We can climb down. Don't be afraid. Just take my hand.

He reached her hand and they climbed down the building; not sure how.

After what he felt like an eternity, he set his feet on the ground. He felt the sunshine on his face. He felt the wind blow.

He looked at her. She was smiling.

Pretty.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Take you away from that empty apartment..."